Pregnant

Not sure where to start. Jon and I are both jobless, still. I was fired in December, him in October. To top all that off we found out I was pregnant. Total shock, bad timing, a little scared.

Jon is happier than hell. It answers a lot of questions for him as far as his 6 year old daughter being his. So, yea, he's excited.

I told my Mom just a couple day after we found out. That was hard. She said I had to tell my sisters, that about made me throw up. She told my Dad and after a small cussing session he called me and talked to me about it. Luckily I have the best parents in the world, no doubt about that. Telling Jessica wasn't as hard as telling Holly. I simply told Jessica that her daughter (my niece) would have a cousin soon. She just said that she didn't know what to say and that was about it. Holly...well, Holly was silent. All I heard was sniffing. That was hard because she's always believed that I would be something great. Although this doesn't stop that, it just puts it on hold and makes it harder. She always had high hopes for me and I almost feel like I've let her down more than anyone else.

I've been terrified of the whole thing since we found out. A couple people have helped, said congrats and told me just to be happy. Not to worry about what people think and just be happy. Chris of course has this way of saying things and putting them in a perspective that makes me feel so much better about it all. I can always count on him for that. That's why he's my 'Big Brother'.

Since neither of us have jobs, neither of us has insurance. So I, very reluctantly, have applied for Medicade to cover us until we get jobs and insurance. I really don't like the idea of applying for it but, we really have no choice. They couldn't make the process any more frustrating either, in order to apply for Medicade you need a doctors proof that you're pregnant. Well, in order to go to the doctor (an OB) you gotta have the insurance card. Circle of crap, very frustrating. Finally we went to BirthRight and got the test and they said that it counts for the application.

When we went to DHS to get the application, well, it was hard. I never thought I'd be in that position, living off the government. I hate it. I hated being in that building. I felt dirty, like trash. When we were pulling out of the parking lot Jon could tell something was wrong and asked what it was. I immediately started crying and said "I don't want it to be this way!". All I could do was cry.

So far I've been tired and hungry and I'm starting to get kind of moody. Other than that things are fine. Everyone so far has said they think we'll have a boy. I sure hope so! But I don't want to get my hopes up.

More to come...