GUILT

Is it a common motherhood feeling? Is it enhanced by the fact that my child’s father is not in the picture? I don’t know…




All I know is, that I feel guilty about virtually EVERYTHING. If he doesn’t have a healthy meal, if I haven’t changed him in 6 hours, if we don’t DO something fun on the weekends, if I upset him by being stern, if I push him too much about going potty…everything. Literally, everything.



I know I’m doing the best I can and above all else I put his needs first, always. But there is this overwhelming cloud of guilt just hanging over my head. I know I made the right decision in leaving Jon but coming from the family I came from I have no clue how to handle a broken home and I feel the burden of all the responsibility as to how my child turns out. I feel I have to make up for his father’s absence. Like I have to be everything all the time and when I can’t be…you guessed it, I feel guilty. If I forget something of his when we leave the house, I feel guilty.



I hate it…but I can’t seem to shake it.





On a side note it has been 39 days since Jon has seen Boston. It has been 27 days since I have had any contact with him at all. I sent him Boston’s stats from his 2 year appointment, and I sent him the link to Boston’s 2 year pictures. No response. I’m done. I WILL NOT contact him. It is entirely up to him if he wants to see his kid. He knows my number, my moms number, my sisters number. He knows where Boston is during the day, the rest is up to him.