Update

I'd said I'd update last week and never did. So here goes...

Three Saturdays ago I went out. It wasn't until after I actually left my house that I knew where I was going (which is another reason I didn't tell you Mom). I decided to take a trip to Big Dogs and (since I knew Jon would be there) confront him. I walked in, saw him right away but sat at the bar and ordered a beer. I don't know how long it took him to realize I was there, nor do I care. Turns out I went to high school with their new bartender. So that made me sitting there by myself a little easier. There was a woman (Chevy, I learned) sitting there too so the three of us talked for a while about stupid stuff. Chevy went to play pool, i sat and talked to Bri for a little bit. Jon came up and jokingly said "they'll let anyone in this place won't they?". I ignored him. He went and smoked his stupid cigarette and I went and played pool with Chevy. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. Plus I was enjoying the attention I was getting. It's amazing the amount of confidence you have when you're NOT in a realtionship. What's THAT about? Why do I become so insecure when I'm with someone?

Anywho...I unfortunately had to go to the restroom and in order to do so I had to walk right by Jon. On my way back he stopped me. I simply said "I'm not here to fight with you, or yell at you, or demand anything from you. I'm here to give you one last chance. You have no idea what you're missing...your son is the most amazing child you could hope for and you're missing it. YOU are missing it...I'm not keeping it from you. I know that you have no job, no car and whatever other excuse you want to use but you have to get your shit together. YOU have to get YOUR shit together...no one is going to help you. You have burnt every bridge you had and you are on your own now more than ever." He gave me his sob story about how everything in his life is shitty and he wants so badly to be in his kids' life. How it wasn't his fault that he got fired. Typical. But I didn't buy it. I said "Do you realize that you are probably 2 miles away from your kid right now? He's at home, 2 miles away, and you're here. You haven't seen him in 6 months...and you're here. Car or no car. 10 inches of snow or nothing...I would WALK my ass to my child every day if I had to. What's your excuse for that?" He had nothing.

I showed him pictures, told him stories. Told him about the effect that having no child support is having. I wanted to beat him with his own cue but refrained somehow. I didn't expect anything to come of our conversation...but had to get it out.

The next week he texted me and asked me to let my mom know that he would be over at 3 on Wednesday. I said I would rather I be there and I wouldn't get there 'til 4:30. He agreed. Part of me didn't expect it to happen. It did. He showed up right at 4:30. Boston was sitting on my moms lap and was leery of Jon at first and when she asked Boston "who's that?!" He said "I don't know..." and part of me thought...I hope that ripped your fucking heart out asshole! She asked again and he still said he didn't know. Then she told him it was his daddy (or something like that) and he was fine. He was excited "That's my daddy and thats my mommy!" just like "look now I have both parents around just like everyone else!" That part broke MY heart. He deserves that.

They played for a while and Jon asked him questions about himself and what not. I'm not sure what question it was but Boston responded with "and I talk to Scott..on mommy's computer". Again, I thought "hope that twists the knife and shoves it deeper!" (is that mean?) Oh well.

Anyways, I wasn't all that thrilled with sitting there with him so about quarter to 6 I told him that we needed to get ready to go so we could have dinner. He asked if he could come over on Thursday, I said that Boston had soccer (really just an excuse because I didn't want him there). My mom, being the wonderfully nice person that she is told him that it was fine and he could come by whenever he wanted. Problem with that is...no, he can't. There is a visitation schedule for a reason. I let him know I thought it was a bad idea and that until he proves he can be consistent and isn't going to disappear again, that he needs to stick to the decree. He showed up again last Wednesday also. Boston wanted nothing to do with me when I got there. Kinda sucked but he does the same thing when my dad is there too so I knew it wasn't Jon. lol

Eventually, I would like for Jon to maybe TAKE him somewhere on Wednesdays...give me a little time off. Also, eventually I would like the weekend schedules to actually happen...more time off without having to PAY for it or feel guilty about my mom watching him. Course, then I just feel guilty about taking the time to myself. Guilt...I swear it comes with the whole parenthood thing...hand in hand...stupid.

Course, its always easier to be the part time parent...they get to do all the fun stuff and not worry about the discipline and stuff.

I'm not holding my breath expecting this to last long...I'm guessing he'll disappear again if something pisses him off. If so...I WILL NOT EVER reach out to him again like I did. This is his LAST chance to get it right. Guess we'll see....