How...

I'm irritated, I'll admit that right off the bat. So, if the things I may say next seem a little...off color, harsh, or hateful. That is why. I'm...well, I'm pissed...

How...

How do you get over, or get past, knowing what the single biggest disappointment will be in your child's life and being completely unable to do anything about it?

How do you continue, day in and day out, to be 'the bigger person' without going absolutely insane?

How do you NOT punch a person in the face every time you see them when they really make you want to?

How do you explain to your child WHY this enormous disappointment IS such a disappointment when you yourself can't wrap your head around it?

These are all questions I ask myself...pretty much on a daily basis. Why? Well, it is because I also ask myself smaller questions like...

How can you go 4 days without seeing your child and then when you have the chance to, you pass it up? I have a hard time going 12 hours. I hate it....Hate it, Hate it, Hate it!

How can you claim to LOVE your child and MISS your child soooo much and then NOT take every opportunity to see him/her? ...and you call everyone else fake...

How can you continue to claim those things and not provide ANYTHING of necessity for that child? I've absentmindedly gone about 2 weeks without buying groceries for myself...I simply don't even think about it while I'm there...get home and think "shit, totally didn't get anything for myself"

And many more questions...

Now, I'm not perfect. I'm not a saint. I know that. But I just cannot, for the life of me, understand how a parent can not consider their child their top priority. Mind boggling...

Frustrating...

Infuriating...

Heartbreaking...