Holy crap! Two post thsi close together?! Go me! Why? Because it's Black Friday and I shouldn't be here anyways. I was hoping that getting out of retail would mean I would not have to work this day...but I'm not quite that lucky.
I wrote last time that ME is a long story. I'm not entirely sure what is going on with me. Anxiety? ADD? Stress? I don't know. I worry about everything. Most of the time its not even things that I should be worrying about that have taken over my mind. I thought about this a lot the other day and I couldn't really come up with a valid reason as to why I felt like I was going to have another panic attack. My chest was really tight, it was hard to breathe, I couldn't concentrate, it was horrible. All I could think was...what has me so worked up?! Guess what I came up with? Nothing. Not a damn thing.
It makes me angry because I really don't have it that bad. I have Boston's, my familys, and my health. I have a roof over my head, and food in my belly. Nobody hates me (well, probably Jon but I don't care). Yes, money is EXTREMELY tight and I hate it. I pretty sure I wont be buying anyone anything for Christmas (except Boston) because I just dont have the money. I haven't paid my mom for watching Boston in...a month? Two? (That bugs me the most) and I've had to take a forebearance on my school loans. Ick!
Yea, ok so that sucks...
I have a job that I'm doing just fine in and don't mind in the least.
So WTF is wrong with me? Why am I SO anxious ALL the time? I've never been like this before and its really taking its toll.
I have a doctor's appointment on December 3rd, which...was supposed to be about possibly getting a ritalin prescription, but after thinking about it I'm not even sure that's the problem. I honestly think that my panic attack a few months ago was like...I dunno, a breaking point. Like I had reached all I could handle and now my brain is fried and may need help coping. I hate saying it but I really think I may have 'developed' anxiety issues. Guess I will just talk to my doctor and see what she says. Problem with all that is...anti-anxiety meds are depressants, right? And ADD meds are stimulants, right? So, how is a depressant going to work with an ADD mind? Again....I'll have to talk to the doc. All I know is that I'm going to give myself a freakin' heart attack if I don't figure out how to calm my mind down.
Now I'm going to try and sneak some pictures onto my work computer and post them on here. :) Yes, I'm that bored. BUT, its Black Friday and I shouldn't be here anyways so I am in no way going to ask for more work....
'Til next time...
I was diagnosed with severe adult ADD a few years ago. I also had high anxiety, depression, and very confused thoughts. I was prescribed Adderall and it has been such a life saver. If you truly have ADD, the use of a stimulant such as adderall or ritalin actually should make you much calmer and patient because your thoughts aren't as confused and you can focus. It turns out the lack of focus affected my anxiety, depression and blood pressure, all of which are much better now.
ReplyDeleteIf you have questions, feel free to ask.