I Am Sam: Over

So, in light of the fact that Scott officially has a job in Dallas, we've ended things. Last Wednesday everything just kind of became too much. He was too stressed and had to get things finished and finalized and I felt like I was being ignored and not like I was his girlfriend. We both agreed that it just had to happen. That instead of dragging it out until he left, we would just end it but try and enjoy the time we had left.

I was OK with it at the time. Things just hadn't been the same for a while. As I said, I encouraged him to go...so I partially blame myself.

Like I said...I was OK with it. Or so I thought. I guess I didn't know how to handle it. I knew it was done and I knew it was the right choice but, for some reason I didn't allow myself to feel it.

Well, I felt it on Monday. It all finally hit. Now, I know my mom is going to read this and tell me "I wish you would talk to me about things..." Well, no offense Mom but...I don't want to. That's just not how I work, sorry. Needless to say I COMPLETELY broke down. I honestly don't think I have ever cried that hard or that long. I couldn't stop. I cried while I was on Facebook. I cried while I was in the shower. I cried when I got out of the shower and again when I was in bed. I mean, I was SOBBING! It was rough, but I needed it. Since then, I've been alright. But, just alright.

It makes me mad that it really has had such an effect on me. I keep thinking "don't be stupid, Sam. You knew it wouldn't work out in the long run. What the hell did you expect?! Don't be a little bitch about it" We dated for like...6 freakin' months! That's it! Stupid...freakin' stupid.

But I can't help it...I love him. He annoys me, not going to lie. I know its stupid and seems weird and all that but I do, I love him. Why? No clue. Maybe because we were great friends before we dated. Maybe because I know sides of him that other people don't. I don't know. I love him though...

It's going to be hard when he leaves. Sunday. He said he's leaving Sunday at sunrise (sounds dramatic) Haha! I'm hoping that we can spend some time together on Saturday. I want to be able to say goodbye :(

Man, I'm really going to miss him....

This is one of my favorites...<3 boys="" my="" p="">